Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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