You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
