Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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