Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize