You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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