Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
