It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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