Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
