So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
