i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
