dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
