You can't motorboat a personality
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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