so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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