Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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