Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
