just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
