ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
