my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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