I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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