You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
