No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
