he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Holy sore nipples Batman
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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