I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
