Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
