I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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