i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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