I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
