We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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