Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
