im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
