You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
