ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
