At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize