All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
