ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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