i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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