Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
