yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
