Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
