MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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