I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
