Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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