What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize