OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
