i just google imaged poop.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize