Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
