Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
