I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
