my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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