A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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