i can't believe i had my finger in that
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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