I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
