He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize