names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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