Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize