HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
