Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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