today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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