Quick, to the slutcave!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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