you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
