Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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