Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Randomize
