You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
