I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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