don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
