He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize