She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
