I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
