you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize