oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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