"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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