Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
