If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
