My balls are so social today.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
