Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
