watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
