Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
