u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize