you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
