Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
