Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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