My friends, they love my intelligence
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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