Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
