the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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