My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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