Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
