Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
