i jhust puked up my retainher.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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