i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i out mim tonsoeep
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