I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
