Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
