yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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