what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
