I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
