Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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