Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize