I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he thought i was a dude.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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