He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
