am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
