My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
