Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My ass is underappreciated
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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