so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
