I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
