Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
