At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
