We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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