The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
