I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
