You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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