Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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